She Hate Me

Thursday afternoon, I had a brief conversation with a person who believes I ruined her life. On purpose.

Existence *is* like a box of chocolates.

You never know if you’re going to get creamy nougat or venom.

18 Responses to “She Hate Me”

  1. Tom Walker Says:

    I rather think Addiction is more like a box of chocolates…

    Seriously though, she must still be into you to be dealing the Scorn onto you in this way. I doubt you’ve done nothing to her that she hasnt already done many times to herself..

    The worst thing for me in that scenario is the power of the irrationality before me, and its sheer self-righteousness..

  2. Richard Bensam Says:

    I’ve had someone say that to me…but I’ve also had a woman tell me, without any obvious malice, that dumping me was the best decision she ever made and that she was now happier than she’d ever been in her life. It’s hard to say which one was more unpleasant…

  3. Steve Gerber Says:

    Tom: “The worst thing for me in that scenario is the power of the irrationality before me, and its sheer self-righteousness..”

    Yes.

    Richard: “I’ve also had a woman tell me, without any obvious malice, that dumping me was the best decision she ever made and that she was now happier than she’d ever been in her life. It’s hard to say which one was more unpleasant…”

    I’ve had that happen, too, but I agreed with her.

  4. Bart Lidofsky Says:

    I am going to give a possibility. It may have nothing to do with your situation.

    You did what you knew was right, although it may not have felt that way. You stayed true to yourself. If you had anything to do with ruining her life, it was in the form of a catalyst; you simply remained stable, and it was her own doubts that created the problems for her.

  5. grkent Says:

    I realize this is highly personal, but since you brought it up, did she say how you ruined her life? Did she say how you continue to ruin her life even though you’re no longer a part of her life?

  6. Steve Gerber Says:

    Everyone: Let’s not get into the details.

    I posted this entry because the experience was somewhat startling and, possibly, more universal than commonly acknowledged. I suspect there’s a someone out there who, for whatever reason, despises each and every one of us.

    Then again, maybe it’s just me.

  7. gordon Says:

    probably!

  8. mister_pj Says:

    No, I doubt it’s you. More likely it’s the pent up anger of someone who repressed their feelings for a long time and then volcano-like exploded on your ass.

    I fail to understand the reasoning behind that (maybe because it lacks a small item like logic).

    After you found out you ruined her life, on purpose with clear, malicious and evil intent – did you fall to your knees immediately and plead for her forgiveness?

    I wonder what the reaction would have been if you put your hands on your hips, threw your head back and issued forth with your most diabolical laugh loudly stating, “Yes! I did it!! Ha ha! And I’d do it again! At last my evil genius recognized – my malicious plan has come to fruition!”

    Why do I think if you had done that it would have totally shocked her. It’s merely a transparent ploy to hurt you, a need for someone to feel power and also to run away from the responsibilities of their own behavior in a given situation.

  9. grkent Says:

    Steve, do you feel that you had absolutely nothing to do with why she feels this way?

  10. Charles Bryan Says:

    Steve: It’s not just you. And I’ll spare everyone my gory details, as well. But, yes, it left me surprised, and momentarily self-doubting, but ultimately thinking that the comments said more about the other person than they did about me.

  11. david altman Says:

    I’m a big believer in self responsibility. While immediate emotional responses are uncontrollable, I am firm on the notion that we are absolutely in charge of how we eventually process new emotional information and then to what end we choose to apply it. Some are more conscious of these decisions than others, and some simply seem to let their emotions run on auto-pilot (this sometimes seems to be most people, and a lot of them wear hats).

    We have all, at some point, used someone else in some way. Perhaps some of us have even done it maliciously. But regardless, it is ultimately up to the receiver of these actions to figure out how they’re going to deal with it. And blame is a pretty lame way to deal with it.

  12. Alex Krislov Says:

    I’m with David on this. Other people can affect your life, sometimes for the worse, but in the end, no one can ruin your life but you. I’m not a fan of est, which, to my mind, took this conceit much too far, but the basic idea holds true: you’re responsible for your own life, and your own attitudes. If you’re sufficiently aware of someone else’s bad influence on your life, you’re also sufficiently aware of what you need to change to fix it. Blaming other people for your problems is emotionally satisfying–but so is a pacifier, when you’re an infant. An adult should have progressed beyond such supports.

  13. Fred Chamberlain Says:

    Ouch. It sucks to go through this. It is even more hurtful when someone else states they believe that the pain they’ve gone through was consciously orchestrated by us. It seems to be an ongoing theme in both my personal life as of late and in the office, but it is true that nobody casts themselves as the villain.

  14. Steve Gerber Says:

    Mister_PJ: “After you found out you ruined her life, on purpose with clear, malicious and evil intent – did you fall to your knees immediately and plead for her forgiveness?”

    No.

    “I wonder what the reaction would have been if you put your hands on your hips, threw your head back and issued forth with your most diabolical laugh loudly stating, ‘Yes! I did it!! Ha ha! And I’d do it again! At last my evil genius recognized – my malicious plan has come to fruition!'”

    I’m hearing that in Lewis Black’s voice, and it’s hysterical. Thank you for a much-needed laugh.

  15. Steve Gerber Says:

    Fred: “…it is true that nobody casts themselves as the villain.”

    Except for Jews and Irish Catholics.

  16. Steve Gerber Says:

    Gordon: “…do you feel that you had absolutely nothing to do with why she feels this way?”

    No. At one time we were close, thus, *ipso facto*, I had *something* to do with her current situation.

    The scope, substance, and intent of my influence are all debatable.

    (Actually, no — intent isn’t, from my point of view. I never tried to harm this person in any way. I know that to be true whether she believes it or not.)

  17. gordon Says:

    That’s all I wanted to know. I think I know you well enough to know how introspective you are. I have no doubts.

  18. mister_pj Says:

    Dude, this is one of those situations you have to laugh about – otherwise it just winds up making you way too sad.

    Much as I would like to control the world, this thing called free will keeps popping up. It’s something available to everyone even though there are people who sometime profess to not having any part of it.

    We all bear the responsibility for the good and the bad that happens to us in life and as much as we might want to attribute life’s events to others, none of us are blameless for the path our lives take.